One of the biggest myths about influence is that it’s about convincing people.
But science tells a different story according to Harvard Prof Frances Frei.
Influence begins long before the conversation starts. It begins with trust.
And people trust you when they experience:
- Authenticity – what you say matches what you do
- Clarity – your thinking is clear and structured
- Empathy – they know you’re invested in their success
The simplest way to deepen your influence?
Become famous for doing what you say you will do.
But here’s what most leaders miss…
There are 6 powerful (and often invisible) ways you’re already influencing people – whether you know it or not.
Discover what they are and how to use them intentionally.
How do I become more influential?
It’s one of the most common questions I hear from leaders. Whether they are leading teams, driving change or navigating complexity, many leaders are searching for the same thing:
How do I increase my influence?
Interestingly, influence is often misunderstood. Many people assume influence is about persuasion. They imagine it is the
ability to convince others or get people to agree with their point of view. Yet the most influential leaders I have met are rarely the most persuasive.
They are the most trusted.
Influence is not about getting people to agree with us.
It is about creating trust, credibility, and connection so that people are willing to explore a new possibility. And in a world increasingly shaped by AI, that may become an even greater competitive advantage.
As leaders, perhaps the question isn’t: “How can I persuade people?”
But rather: “How can I create the conditions for people to willingly move toward a possibility they cannot yet see?”
The Framework: RASCLS
One framework that continues to shape my thinking about influence comes from the work of Dr. Robert Cialdini. The six principles of persuasion are not just tactics but a roadmap to cultivating meaningful influence.
Reciprocity, Authority, Scarcity, Consistency, Liking, and Social Proof.
What struck me most is that these principles explain human behavior, but they also come with responsibility.
Used carelessly, they become manipulation.
Used thoughtfully, they become tools for building trust, creating alignment,
and inspiring action.
Reciprocity – Give Before You Ask
Human beings are wired to return favors. When a leader extends something of value – guidance, resources, recognition, attention, it creates an invisible current of goodwill that often returns as commitment and productivity. Influence grows when people experience generosity before requests.
Giving doesn’t always look like big gestures. Giving can mean:
- Taking genuine interest in someone’s development (not just their
output) - Offering your time when it’s scarce
- Recognizing effort, not just results
- Being honest about what you don’t know, creating space for others to
contribute
The practice: Before your next ask, ask yourself: How can I create value before I make an ask?
Authority – Build Credibility
We trust credible experts. People are more likely to be influenced by someone who is perceived as knowledgeable, credible, or an expert. Interestingly, credibility grows not when we claim to know everything, but when we’re clear about what we
know and what we don’t know.
The practice: Stop trying to be the expert. Start being the person who thinks most clearly about the problem. That’s where authority lives.
Scarcity – Create Urgency Without Fear
We value what is limited. The idea that something is scarce or in limited supply can make it more desirable to people. They may be motivated to take action to acquire it before it’s gone.
In leadership, this translates to creating a sense of urgency that can spur action and decision-making. However, this needs to be approached with a sense of responsibility, ensuring that it’s used to inspire rather than manipulate.
The practice: Use scarcity to focus attention on what actually matters.
Consistency – Walk Your Talk
Consistency is a cornerstone of trust, and trust is the bedrock of leadership. Small commitments often lead to bigger ones.
When your words and actions are in sync, people know what to expect. They relax. They commit. They follow.
This is perhaps the simplest influence strategy and also the most powerful: Become famous for doing what you say you will do. Not occasionally. Not when it’s convenient. Reliably.
The practice: Track your commitments – small ones. Then do those things. Your influence grows one kept commitment at a time.
Liking – Build Genuine Connection
We are influenced by people we like and trust. This simple truth holds immense power in leadership. People don’t just buy
ideas. They buy relationships. When leaders take time to understand others, listen deeply, find common ground, and demonstrate genuine care, influence naturally increases.
The practice: In your next conversation, listen for what matters to the other person – not what you need from them. What are they invested in? What are they worried about? What do they care about? When people feel seen, they’re more open to influence.
Social Proof – Let Others Amplify Your Message
When uncertain, we look to others for cues. We naturally place greater value on things that are limited. Whether it’s time, resources, opportunities, or attention, scarcity can motivate action. Used responsibly, it helps leaders focus attention on what matters most. Used carelessly, it becomes manipulation.
The practice: Don’t just tell people what good looks like. Show them. Share the wins. Highlight the behaviors you want to see more of. Let your team’s success stories do the talking.
Which of these six principles of influencing represents your greatest opportunity right now?
I am a courage catalyst, executive coach, facilitator, speaker and founder of Interact Consulting.